Back in 2000, my life was on a rocky path as I was dealing with childhood memories from my past and I was not able to deal with it as it was hitting me so strong it was like I was reliving my past over and over in my dreams. At this time I was smoking alot cannabis to help me shout out my past memories, to which it had implications on my health as I was deteriorating from within myself.
I lost a lot of weight, my weight back then was 8 stone. My blood pressure was on a low too, as I was not eating nor sleeping. So I had to go and see a Dr to see what help I could get off them. After having an examination they given me anti-depressants tablets to which was they're answer to solving my problem. I was put on 20 mil-grams of Seroxat. Over the course of taken the tablets I was feeling more and more aggressive towards members of the public and towards myself.
Then I lost it big time, then my Dr referred me to be assessed by the mental health team at Aberdare. He could see that I was deteriorating and that my problem was deeper than he thought. After being assessed by the team they then referred me to see a psychiatrist. Which was a 6 month to a year waiting list.
I was going through hard times, I needed help!!! I ask my Dr to to send them a note underling that I really needed to be seen, thankfully after many visits back to my Dr I final got the letter back saying that my appointment has been made to see a psychiatrist. We had many chats about my feelings and the dreams I was having, I called my dreams "side shows" as thats how I was seeing them, like they were played to me over and over. I started to allow the dreams to be played to me... so that I can some what understand why? they where playing and what where they trying to tell me this was happing over 7 years and I couldn't understand the meaning behind the dreams.
All this was put on record by my psychiatrist to which he then referred me to see a psychologist, it seemed to me back then I was past from pillar to post, from one person to another person, this was the feeling I was having at the time. I felt like they were not listening to me in what I was saying and that they where brushing me aside and filling me up on tablets. Which I no longer wanted to take them anymore as I wanted to deal with it with out being medicated.
At this time my wife was pregnant with our fist child. I took it upon myself to give up the drugs that I was smoking, as I didn't want my first born to be born in the environment where there was drugs. I didn't want my child to grow up thinking that it was okay for her to smoke drugs, as this would of broken my heart. As I felt if she was going to smoke drugs in her teens, then I was the only one to blame for it as I given her the addiction in the first place by given her that environment to begin with.
I quit the drugs before my daughter was born this was one of the first major steps for me in getting back my life.
I lost a lot of weight, my weight back then was 8 stone. My blood pressure was on a low too, as I was not eating nor sleeping. So I had to go and see a Dr to see what help I could get off them. After having an examination they given me anti-depressants tablets to which was they're answer to solving my problem. I was put on 20 mil-grams of Seroxat. Over the course of taken the tablets I was feeling more and more aggressive towards members of the public and towards myself.
Then I lost it big time, then my Dr referred me to be assessed by the mental health team at Aberdare. He could see that I was deteriorating and that my problem was deeper than he thought. After being assessed by the team they then referred me to see a psychiatrist. Which was a 6 month to a year waiting list.
I was going through hard times, I needed help!!! I ask my Dr to to send them a note underling that I really needed to be seen, thankfully after many visits back to my Dr I final got the letter back saying that my appointment has been made to see a psychiatrist. We had many chats about my feelings and the dreams I was having, I called my dreams "side shows" as thats how I was seeing them, like they were played to me over and over. I started to allow the dreams to be played to me... so that I can some what understand why? they where playing and what where they trying to tell me this was happing over 7 years and I couldn't understand the meaning behind the dreams.
All this was put on record by my psychiatrist to which he then referred me to see a psychologist, it seemed to me back then I was past from pillar to post, from one person to another person, this was the feeling I was having at the time. I felt like they were not listening to me in what I was saying and that they where brushing me aside and filling me up on tablets. Which I no longer wanted to take them anymore as I wanted to deal with it with out being medicated.
At this time my wife was pregnant with our fist child. I took it upon myself to give up the drugs that I was smoking, as I didn't want my first born to be born in the environment where there was drugs. I didn't want my child to grow up thinking that it was okay for her to smoke drugs, as this would of broken my heart. As I felt if she was going to smoke drugs in her teens, then I was the only one to blame for it as I given her the addiction in the first place by given her that environment to begin with.
I quit the drugs before my daughter was born this was one of the first major steps for me in getting back my life.
Since given up the drugs, my wife had given birth to our first born and that I have had several chats with my psychologist. Around this time in my life while I was attending the appointments they seem to get more and more personal "any one that been to see one they will understand what I mean" on this appointment he ask me a out right question to which I will not state but the question that he ask made me flip my lid. How the hell could they ask that question? knowing my state of mind. I ended all contact with that psychologist. I went back to my Dr and told him what was said, he then referred me to see another psychologist to which I had to wait another year for.
3 years ago I was drinking a lot of alcohol, as my past was creeping back up on me and I would get drunk to block it out and knock myself out so that I didn't have to deal with it. By this time I had appointment to see another psychologist, who sat me down and ask me to explain to her every thing that I was feeling.
This was the first time in my life I found someone that wanted to help me. I explained to her about my childhood memories that I was seeing, and the amount of alcohol I was drinking. She helped me to fight back on the alcohol so that I could quit it altogether, so that I could deal with what was happening, I slowly started to ease off the drink and again allowed the images to be seen once again, so that I can retry to work out why and what meaning they wanted to show me.
Over the weeks I started realizing what the images where telling me. That I had a different view to what I was seeing happing with the guidance of my psychologist and she said that it would be good for me to try and do something that I like doing, or to have a few projects to keep myself motivated. This was the step I needed to take on for myself and my family. So I found out what projects that I could take apart in. That could help me to recover from my limitations that where holding me back.
This was the first time in my life I found someone that wanted to help me. I explained to her about my childhood memories that I was seeing, and the amount of alcohol I was drinking. She helped me to fight back on the alcohol so that I could quit it altogether, so that I could deal with what was happening, I slowly started to ease off the drink and again allowed the images to be seen once again, so that I can retry to work out why and what meaning they wanted to show me.
Over the weeks I started realizing what the images where telling me. That I had a different view to what I was seeing happing with the guidance of my psychologist and she said that it would be good for me to try and do something that I like doing, or to have a few projects to keep myself motivated. This was the step I needed to take on for myself and my family. So I found out what projects that I could take apart in. That could help me to recover from my limitations that where holding me back.
