Sunday, 3 October 2010

Back To The Beginning

This is going to give you all a better understanding to where I was before I started reshaping my future.

Back in 2000, my life was on a rocky path as I was dealing with childhood memories from my past and I was not able to deal with it as it was hitting me so strong it was like I was reliving my past over and over in my dreams.  At this time I was smoking alot cannabis to help me shout out my past memories, to which it had implications on my health as I was deteriorating from within myself.

I lost a lot of weight, my weight back then was 8 stone.  My blood pressure was on a low too, as I was not eating nor sleeping. So I had to go and see a Dr to see what help I could get off them.  After having an examination they given me anti-depressants tablets to which was they're answer to solving my problem.  I was put on 20 mil-grams of Seroxat.  Over the course of taken the tablets I was feeling more and more aggressive towards members of the public and towards myself. 

Then I lost it big time, then my Dr referred me to be assessed by the mental health team at Aberdare.  He could see that I was deteriorating  and that my problem was deeper than he thought. After being assessed by the team they then referred me to see a psychiatrist.  Which was a 6 month to a year waiting list.

I was going through hard times, I needed help!!!  I ask my Dr to to send them a note underling that I really needed to be seen, thankfully after many visits back to my Dr I final got the letter back saying that my appointment has been made to see a  psychiatrist. We had many chats about my feelings and the dreams I was having, I called my dreams "side shows" as thats how I was seeing them, like they were played to me over and over.  I started to allow the dreams to be played to me... so that I can some what understand why? they where playing and what where they trying to tell me this was happing over 7 years and I couldn't understand the meaning behind the dreams.

All this was put on record by my psychiatrist to which he then referred me to see a psychologist, it seemed to me back then I was past from pillar to post, from one person to another person, this was the feeling I was having at the time. I felt like they were not listening to me in what I was saying and that they where brushing me aside and filling me up on tablets.  Which I no longer wanted to take them anymore as I wanted to deal with it with out being medicated.

At this time my wife was pregnant with our fist child.  I took it upon myself to give up the drugs that I was smoking, as I didn't want my first born to be born in the environment where there was drugs.  I didn't want my child to grow up thinking that it was okay for her to smoke drugs, as this would of broken my heart. As I felt if she was going to smoke drugs in her teens, then I was the only one to blame for it as I given her the addiction in the first place by given her that environment to begin with.

I quit the drugs before my daughter was born this was one of the first major steps for me in getting back my life.

Since given up the drugs, my wife had given birth to our first born and that I have had several chats with my psychologist.  Around this time in my life while I was attending the appointments they seem to get more and more personal "any one that been to see one they will understand what I mean" on this appointment he ask me a out right question to which I will not state but the question that he ask made me flip my lid.  How the hell could they ask that question? knowing my state of mind.  I ended all contact with that psychologist.  I went back to my Dr and told him what was said, he then referred me to see another psychologist to which I had to wait another year for.

3 years ago I was drinking a lot of alcohol, as my past was creeping back up on me and I would get drunk to block it out and knock myself out so that I didn't have to deal with it.  By this time I had appointment to see another psychologist, who sat me down and ask me to explain to her every thing that I was feeling.

This was the first time in my life I found someone that wanted to help me.  I explained to her about my childhood memories that I was seeing, and the amount of alcohol I was drinking.  She helped me to fight back on the alcohol so that I could quit it altogether, so that I could deal with what was happening, I slowly started to ease off the drink and again allowed the images to be seen once again, so that I can retry to work out why and what meaning they wanted to show me. 

Over the weeks I started realizing what the images where telling me.  That I had a different view to what I was seeing happing with the guidance of my psychologist and she said that it would be good for me to try and do something that I like doing, or to have a few projects to keep myself motivated.  This was the step I needed to take on for myself and my family. So I found out what projects that I could take apart in. That could help me to recover from my limitations that where holding me back. 

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Community Computer Care

Back in June this year I attended a volunteering placement with Community Computer Care (ccc Ltd)
to help further build on my future goals to which Kelly and Jon found the placement for me,over the course attending at CCC I pick up a lot about understanding PC Building and PC Maintenance, to which has help me further build my motivation and confidence levels.

Since being involved with CCC my motivation and confidence levels have improved hugely,due to the friends I have at CCC supporting me in rebuilding my future they have let me interlock in the development of CCC by allowing me to pass new ideas that I have that I thought would not be of any use, due to lack of confidence in speaking out about new ideas and the progress of development.

Through the development of CCC I have done many new things, like helping setting up a trial work shop for the community so that they can take part in. I also taken part in helping to teach the work shops with my fellow friends, that was running for 4 weeks at CCC the feed back we had for the work shops was outstanding.  Everyone liked the work shops that CCC had put on, and this brought a new progress development to think about for the future.

Over the duration of my time at CCC my motivation /confidence was starting to show through.

Since being on placement with CCC I have been nominated to take on a position as a company director in order to helping the business to grow and develop within the community. This has further inspired me to push past my old limitations and set newer, more ambitious goals for myself and my future, not only as part of CCC but as a person acting for myself and my family.

Personal Note (A Big Step In Life)

The Community Computer Care had a big part in the development of rebuilding to my future, to which I  wouldn't be in the progress where I am now if it wasn't for them allowing me to attend at CCC.

Some of the skills I have learned are as follows:

* PC building
* Software installation
* Programming and software engineering
* PC maintenance
* Working as part of a team
* Understanding the processed behind the set up of a new business
* Teaching others how to build a PC from scratch too other community members

Advocacy Project Kelly & Jon (Rha)

Back in April/May I joined the Advocacy Project to help me with my motivation/confidence, to socialize with the community and to help me with my goals for the future.  As before I joined the project I had no goals to work towards, due to my personal reasons that where holding me back from letting me set goals to work towards.  After having many chats with Jon & Kelly about the stuff I really like doing, I underlined that I like to learn more about PC Building.  At this time, things where starting to take off, as they found me a placement to where I could attended so that I could focus on my first goal I set up and to work towards for the future.

While being on the Advocacy Project I have been taking part in many other activities that they put on, to help people like myself with no motivation/confidence,

The following activities are:

Confidence Building :- This was great to take part in, as it was underlining all areas how to build confidence and how to think out side the box to interact with other people,

Personal Note (The Right Start In Life)

This was the biggest step forward I done for myself into reshaping my out looks on the future,
as the project has given me a second chance to reshape my future.  

Friday, 1 October 2010

Maerdy Tenants & Residents Committee

Back in 2007 the Tenants of (Rha) Rhondda Housing Association set up Committee so that we could bring the community closer together by working together, so that all ages can enjoy the activities and trips, that was beaning set up  by the newly formed committee, I taken the role of treasurer to manage the books as im good with managing money, but when I was given all the paper work to keep records of all the expenditure, I felt,  I was thrown in at the deep end.  As I never done bookkeeping before, so I attended a work shop to understand the basics of bookkeeping, so that I can implement what I was shown, I have been a treasurer for the committee for 3 years and this year I stept down so that someone else could have a go of being a treasurer as we try to stept down from our roles to give other committee and non-committee members a chance to take on other role's, as there was no one suitable for the role I was voted back as the treasurer for another year,

Personal Note (How Did This Help Me)

This was my very first building block into turning my life around, I started to put my self out there to be seen and heard in the community. I now have a basic skill of bookkeeping to which I have implanted into my daily life, when it come to spending money you could say i have started to look at what I can buy and what I can't buy but I don't let that get to me or put me down as money isn't every thing,